Transference happens in therapy a lot. In fact, it can happen in any relationship but is closely associated with the therapeutic relationship between a client and therapist. How a therapist handles this will certainly be decisive in judging the success of the process. Transference left unnoticed and not dealt with will lead to an erosion of the boundaries needed to do therapy effectively and is potentially harmful to the client. Many therapists will refer a client showing transference. I believe that this is not always necessary. If dealt with properly, it can heighten the chances of successful therapy.
Before we go further, let’s define the main terms used above. Psychology Today clarifies transference as the following:
Transference comes from psychoanalysis and means: “the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood concerning someone towards a new object. The phenomenon happens when a patient begins to transfer feelings to their therapist, whether they are positive or negative. For example, the patient may begin to look at the therapist as if the therapist were their father, potential partner of friend transferring feelings deeply held onto their therapist.
Counter transference :
Counter transference, which occurs when a therapist transfers emotions to a person in therapy, is often a reaction to transference, a phenomenon in which the person in treatment redirects feelings for others onto the therapist. Counter transference is also periodically used to define situations where the therapist literally takes on the suffering of his patient. Good therapy.org
Therapists, including myself, are often looking for, hoping for and promoting transference to happen on a positive basis. For example, a client who has been severely abused by a parent as a child, may undergo transference by perceiving the therapist as a parent. As the client might expect this role to be negative or harmful, recovery of abuse could be possible when the therapist uses the client’s transference to supply what his or her parent did not – a safe, accepting relationship with boundaries. In this case, there might be positive effects to the transference. The process is however, controversial and some schools of thought see transference as a dangerous element of what should be a professional relationship.
As a therapist, I see the relationship with the client as a model for the client’s relationships with others outside of therapy. I work in an atmosphere of genuine respect, empathy and regard for the client’s feelings and situation. The fact that a client is able to talk about everything, receive and give feedback and realize they are not being judged is often the key to recovery. This is where the therapist bears a huge responsibility for the direction of the relationship. Often the therapist may be the first person who has ever listened to them and appeared to understand. This can lead to the inevitable outcome of seeing the therapist as more than just a service provider, at best a friend…to the extreme as a potential partner. This is where things can get complicated if a therapist does not recognize the signs and take action.
Transference usually becomes unhelpful when the therapist allows or promotes, knowingly or unknowingly, a dual relationship with the client. This includes a friendship, romantic or sexual relationship. Clients are often looking for the former and sometimes the latter. Therapy must have boundaries and is sometimes the only positive structure a client might have had in their life ever, so it hardly surprising that they would have those feelings. The important thing is to be able to talk about it openly and find solutions. Once the concept of transference is on the table and the concepts behind it explained and accepted, it can be used as a ‘laboratory’ to work through feelings together. An essential part of this process is to separate the feelings held for the therapist from the “original” and work on that issue. This is where transference can be useful. If it is not discussed or recognized, it could mean the premature end of therapy. Therapists themselves who cross that line need to look at their own motives and issues in supervision.
At this point, it would be useful to look at types of transference that can occur in therapy . Heathline.com describe four main types:
- Paternal transference. This form of transference occurs when a person views another person as a father figure. This takes shape as the belief that another person is in a position of power, has authority, and can give sound advice and protection.
- Maternal transference. Similar to the paternal example, in this instance, an individual treats another person as an idealized mother figure. They likely view this person as caring and expect them to be nurturing and comforting.
- Sibling transference. Often this can be experienced when parental relationships are not super strong and take shape as more peer-based interactions rather than a leader/follower relationship.
- Non-familial transference. This form of transference takes shape when a person treats others as idealized versions of what they are expected to be rather than their authentic selves.
Although it’s commonly believed that transference only occurs in therapeutic settings, it actually occurs in all types of relationships. The unconscious act of bringing expectations, feelings, and experiences from the past into the present is the fundamental component of transference. We don’t meet people with a blank slate. Instead, we interpret them by means of our past—the pleasures, setbacks, and trends established in the past and they are doing the same.
There are subtle ways it can occur. We may feel immediately safe and understood when we see a friend who reminds us of a caring adult from our early years. The friendship may feel more burdened than it actually is, or they may arouse the same fears that were previously brought on by a competitive sibling or a critical parent. Even more examples can be found in romantic partnerships. We may expect a partner to mend past hurts by projecting unmet needs onto them without ever realising it. Under the surface, a minor argument can trigger decades-old fears of abandonment, making it feel like a devastating rejection. However, when they touch a part of us that has been aching for attention for a long time, affectionate gestures can feel disproportionately powerful.
Even in professional life, transference is at play. Authority figures often stir associations with parents or teachers. That’s why some people struggle with bosses who remind them of a strict father, while others find themselves overly eager to please a supervisor who unconsciously represents approval they’ve always sought. These reactions aren’t always logical, but they are deeply human.
Importantly, transference is not always bad. It’s a component of how we establish intimacy and connect. Projecting positive traits onto other people can occasionally help us feel close, trusting, and attached. However, it turns into an issue when our responses are out of proportion to the here and now, when we relate to the ghosts of the past more than to the actual person in front of us.
Awareness is the key. Recognizing transference doesn’t mean blaming ourselves for having it—it means becoming conscious of when the emotional intensity feels bigger than the situation calls for. This awareness lets us step back and ask: is this about now, or is this about then? That simple question can create space to respond differently, rather than being pulled into automatic patterns.
When this awareness is applied effectively, transference becomes a tool for development. Healing is frequently needed in the very areas where we feel most reactive. An invitation to examine past instances of disappointment and how they continue to influence our sense of value is presented if a cancelled plan triggers a wave of rejection, for example. If we become aware that we expect a partner to fulfill roles a parent couldn’t, it opens the door to honest conversations about needs and boundaries. These moments of recognition shift us from blame to understanding, both of ourselves and others.
Thus, relationships transcend beyond simple connections. They turn into mirrors, reflecting our inner unresolved issues as well as the qualities of the other person. Clear understanding of transference allows us to break old cycles, choose more genuine ways of relating, and use our relationships as healing opportunities.
