So the narcissist is gone. Either he/she discarded you or you had finally taken all you could…
What next?
Recovery will initially entail two critical steps. Understanding the effect of the abuse and validating one’s own experience. These steps will counter the confusion and effects of constant gaslighting and manipulation, often left behind after a narcissistic relationship and will establish the groundwork for true healing.
Narcissistic abuse is often subtle by nature, often invisible to outsiders and affects victims on a deep psychological level. It usually means that victims are subjected to some or all of the following: emotional invalidation, manipulation, blame-shifting, gaslighting, and silent treatment. Victims often lose their own identity in the process and gradually start to doubt their instincts and reality. This can lead to chronic issues if the relationships endures. Anxiety, depression, chronic self-doubt, and symptoms of complex post-traumatic stress disorder may be experienced by survivors. It is essential to understand this basic truth about narcissistic relationships, identify it, comprehend it and initiate healing.
Survivors of narcissistic abuse are often met with disbelief or minimisation from others and the people around them. This is due to the fact that survivors do not usually carry physical scars or bruises. When they are not believed, it exacerbates the gaslighting they experienced with the narcissist. This is why it is essential to validate your own experiences, what you went through and the effect it had on you. You do not need the approval of others. You will have gone through insecurity, manipulation, control and constant demeaning verbal input from the narcissist. Only you know what you went through even if others might not perceive it.
Validation of what you went through does not mean perpetual victimhood. It means to grant yourself a safe, compassionate space that was denied you. This space can also bring clarity of mind and thought. Accepting what was not acceptable and realising how this impacted your self-perception and self-esteem can help your trust yourself again., reclaim your voice from the noise of narcissism and help you to set boundaries in the future.
Above all, give yourself time. Recovery is not linear and some days will be better than others. This is normal and a reaction to the isolation and shame that you were subjected to by the narcissist. This is why a good support group is essential. Recovery is not solely about overcoming the events that occurred; it is about re-establishing a connection with oneself.
