The Narcissist’s Cycle: Idolise. Devalue. Discard.”
Narcissists are the ultimate Jekyll and Hyde—charming one minute, cruel the next. Being involved with one is an emotional rollercoaster. Where most people enter relationships seeking connection and love, narcissists have a different agenda. They aren’t capable of genuine love or intimacy. Instead, they seek admiration—fuel for their fragile self-worth. They need people more than anyone else, yet their need is parasitic. They enter relationships empty and self-absorbed, using others for attention, sex, status—then withdrawing once their needs are met.
Stage One: Idealisation – The Illusion is Created
Narcissists choose their victims carefully—based on looks, status, influence. The more desirable the target, the more valuable the supply. At first, they’re observant and attentive, placing their victim on a pedestal. They mirror desires, offer constant attention, and create a whirlwind romance. It feels like destiny. The victim believes they’ve found “the one,” unaware it’s all a carefully constructed illusion. The narcissist isn’t in love—they’re infatuated with the supply.
Stage Two: Devaluation – The Mask Slips
Once the narcissist secures their victim’s devotion, the mask begins to slip. The charming persona fades. The narcissist grows bored, critical, distant. They begin to emotionally withdraw, blame the victim, and create confusion. Emotional abuse replaces affection. Victims, desperate to get the “real” person back, cling on and question themselves. The narcissist feeds off this misery as much as praise. Compassion is gone—they don’t care how the victim feels. They take no responsibility. Often, just when the victim starts to detach, the narcissist reappears, mask back on, to hook them again—until it no longer suits them.
Stage Three: Discard – The Tornado Passes
The narcissist eventually walks away—abruptly and coldly. The relationship is erased. Victims are left shattered, asking, “Did they ever love me?” The truth: no. Victims were a resource, discarded when spent. The narcissist often moves on quickly, targeting a new victim, repeating the same cycle. The earlier victim watches it all unfold again, now from the outside. It’s brutal, but essential to remember: you were targeted. You didn’t cause this. The narcissist has done this before and will do it again. The only way to heal is to shut the door completely—because they’ll always return if it stays open.
