You may think that the title refers to life after a narcissist but not necessarily. Any break up can be difficult but of course, some can be traumatic to the extreme. What comes next when your worst nightmare of a break up is over?
If you have been in a narcissistic relationship, have left one or would like to extract yourself from one, check out my upcoming therapy groups: More details are Here.
Many codependents who manage to extract themselves from toxic or narcissistic relationships are often left with this question. Initially, the big danger is that they end up in another toxic relationship similar to the last. This is the only type of relationship they know and they gravitate towards it, always hoping that this one will be different. Invariably, it never is and the cycle continues. In my work in this area, the first stage is actually leaving an obviously toxic, abusive relationship and the second is to ensure it never happens again by working on the issues that caused it in the first place. Some just have no idea what a nourishing relationship might look like and wouldn’t recognise it if it presented itself. Many make the statement that they never want a relationship again. However, what they are really saying is they don’t want a toxic relationship or to relive those experiences. They would sooner avoid it.
For those who have never been involved in what can be described as a interdependent, nourishing relationship, one can safely say that they have missed out on one of the most endearing aspects of human interaction. A place where you can truly be who you are, be accepted for who you are. A place where healthy boundaries and growth underpin the relationship.
Still, that is often for the future after a break up. Just what do you do to get yourself back on track after what seems the end of the world? Firstly, in time, you will see that it is not the end of the world and couples always break up for a reason. Secondly, also in time, you will find out that you may have opportunities to establish a new relationship….the one with yourself.
Many who come out of a relationship of any sort will, seek advice. Their friends, family or the internet will provide a whole host of things you can do. This might range from getting back on the apps to exploring your passions. Exploring your passions is healthy but not when it could be a knee jerk reaction to a break up. Unless you do the work, you will drop them as soon as the next person comes along.
Before you do any of that, it is essential that you allow yourself to feel. Sitting in your feelings and feeling the stress, regret, sadness and grief that might come. It’s a natural human condition. We spend most of our time avoiding such feelings, preferring to subdue them or distract or medicate ourselves into oblivion. This is designed to make us avoid the pain that we need to go through to come out the other side.
But the reality is that avoidance keeps you stuck. The only genuine way to move forward is to face what’s there, to sit with the discomfort rather than trying to escape it. Healing is not found in distraction or denial, it comes through honest engagement with your emotions. When you give yourself permission to feel, you start to loosen the grip of old pain and allow understanding to emerge. Over time, those difficult feelings begin to lose their intensity, and you gain insight into yourself and your patterns. It’s a process that takes courage and consistency, but it’s the only path that leads to real emotional freedom.
