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We are increasingly living in a world that likes to label everything. Words and labels can give meaning to our lives and experiences, but they can also trap us. When we use words like “anxious”, “burnt out”, “narcissist”, “codependent” or “empath”, it can bring relief at first. It explains what we are and our identity to a mind looking for explanations. However, when we start to see the label and the words associated as our identity, they start shaping our world and indeed, the limits of who we are. 

In therapy, I often hear people say, “I’m anxious” or “I’m codependent.” (In IFS therapy, a therapist would assume that this is a part of the whole, not the whole itself). These statements sound like the truth, but they are actually statements of perceived identity. Our brains listen to the language we use. When you say something like “I feel broken”, it will produce all the evidence to support the permanence of it. When you say, “I am learning to calm my anxiety” or “I’m working on my boundaries”, it hears and promotes possibility. The first slams a door shut, the second opens one.

Language doesn’t only describe how we feel, it quietly directs what you believe is truly possible. Repeating labels and negativity over time (think of the phrase “I can’t”, which really means “I won’t”), trains your whole system to build a world around them. This isn’t self-awareness, it’s self-conditioning. 

Try saying “ A part of me feels anxious right now” instead of “I am anxious” or “ I learnt to over care” instead of “I am codependent”. One acknowledges an experience while the other creates an identity. Small shifts like this can help you rewrite the story that was given to you. 

The way you talk to yourself matters much more than you might think. Words can wound but they can also heal. Every time you choose to phrase language that leaves room for change, you are teaching your brain and nervous system to promote healing. 

When the name changes, the story changes. And when the story changes, you do too.

Journaling Prompts:

1. 1. What labels have you used to describe yourself—and how have they shaped the way you see your life?

1. 1. Which of those labels once protected you but now hold you back?

1. 1. How could you rephrase them to make space for movement, curiosity, and self-respect?

Therapist Takeaway:

Your brain reacts to language as if it were data, it builds neural pathways around the words you use most often. Harsh, absolute language keeps the body in a stress response, flexible, process-based language activates neural circuits linked to learning and safety. Changing how you talk to yourself isn’t positive thinking, it’s rewiring. Speak to your brain the way you’d speak to someone you’re trying to help heal.