Therapy Shorts 49: The Truth No-One Wants To Hear

Your attraction patterns aren’t random, they’re remembered. If you keep falling for the unavailable, the inconsistent, or the emotionally distant, you’re not broken, you’re conditioned. Here, we break the cycles you’ve been trapped in for years. We look into attachment, nervous system wiring, childhood templates, and the real psychology behind why chaos feels like chemistry, and why safety feels “boring.” This is where you learn to choose what feeds you, not what wounds you. Short, sharp, honest videos , no fluff, no sugar-coating, just the truth that leads to change.

JOURNALLING QUESTIONS

Here are three questions to help deepen the work:

  1. What does “emotionally available” actually look like for me? What behaviours prove it?
  2. Who from my past does my current pattern resemble? How am I trying to finish an old story?
  3. What emotions come up when someone treats me with steadiness or calm attention? What feels scary about that?

Use these questions gently. They are meant to open clarity, not judgment.

THERAPIST TAKEAWAY

The reason you are attracted to emotionally unavailable people is not because you’re broken, but because your nervous system is loyal. Loyal to what it learned. Loyal to what it survived. But loyalty to old pain is not the same as love.

With awareness, repetition, and new experiences, your attachment system can update. You can learn to desire what nourishes you instead of what depletes you. You can learn to recognise genuine availability. And most importantly, you can choose relationships that reflect your healing rather than your wounds.

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Dr Nicholas Jenner

Dr. Nicholas Jenner, a therapist, coach, and speaker, has over 20 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. His specialty lies in treating codependency, a condition that is often characterized by a compulsive dependence on a partner, friend, or family member for emotional or psychological sustenance. Dr. Jenner's approach to treating codependency involves using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a treatment method that has gained widespread popularity in recent years. He identifies the underlying causes of codependent behavior by exploring his patients' internal "parts," or their different emotional states, to develop strategies to break free from it. Dr. Jenner has authored numerous works on the topic and offers online therapy services to assist individuals in developing healthy relationships and achieving emotional independence.