Welcome to Therapy Shorts 51, an exploration of why the idea of “We complete each other” can feel comforting, yet often leads to self-abandonment and patterns that interfere with healthy connection. In this episode, we look at how the Adaptive Self, early attachment learning, and blurred boundaries shape the way we enter relationships, and what it takes to build a stable, healthy We-Self where both people can stay present as themselves. This will be especially helpful if you’ve struggled with codependency, anxious attachment, or losing your identity in relationships.
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JOURNALLING QUESTIONS
- Where do I lose myself in relationships?
Write about three patterns where you shrink, adapt or hide parts of yourself. - Which aspects of my identity come alive only when I’m alone?
These are often the most authentic parts of your Me-Self. - What roles does my Adaptive Self play and what does each role cost me?
- What does a healthy We-Self mean for me in practice?
Describe behaviours, boundaries, expectations. - What is one action this week that aligns with my Me-Self?
Choose something small but meaningful.
THERAPIST TAKEAWAY
The completion myth is a reenactment of early attachment wounds, not a sign of destiny. Clients shaped by codependency often fuse because fusion once meant safety. But that same fusion prevents differentiation, the cornerstone of intimacy.
Therapy helps rebuild the Me-Self: identity, boundaries, emotional autonomy, self-leadership. When clients reclaim their Me-Self, healthy relationships cease to feel threatening or dull. They feel grounding, stabilising, and real.
Wholeness is not a luxury, it is the entry point to genuine adult love.
And it’s the only way a We-Self can exist.
Download the “We-Self” Exercise Workbook HERE
