Healing requires loneliness. Staying requires suffering. This episode of Therapy Shorts with Dr Nicholas Jenner looks into one of the most misunderstood parts of recovery after a breakup or toxic relationship: the reality that healing is uncomfortable, but staying in familiar dysfunction is far more damaging.
In this 15-minute session, I explore:
• Why loneliness is the essential doorway to emotional recovery
• Why so many people choose familiar suffering over unfamiliar peace
• How your nervous system becomes addicted to toxic relational cycles
• What actually grows in the silence when you finally stop running from yourself
• Practical steps to tolerate the loneliness required for healing
• The weekly therapist challenge that will change how you make decisions
If you’ve ever wondered why moving on feels harder than staying in pain, this episode will give you clarity, permission, and direction.
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You’re not lost. You’re recalibrating.
Journalling Questions
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Where in my life am I choosing familiar suffering instead of uncomfortable healing?
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What emotions surface when I am alone, and what might they be trying to tell me?
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In what ways did the past relationship stop me from hearing my own voice?
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What part of loneliness feels frightening — and what part might actually be freedom?
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What behaviours do I return to when I feel abandoned or anxious?
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How has my identity shifted since stepping away from dysfunction?
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What boundary did I honour this week that I wouldn’t have honoured before?
Therapist Takeaway
Loneliness is not a failure or a punishment, it is the first honest environment your nervous system has had in years. When the noise drops, the truth rises. Healing begins when you stop filling the silence and start listening to what it reveals. The work is not escaping loneliness, but building a self inside it that you no longer abandon.
Download exercises from this video HERE
