I have just read a fascinating book and couldn’t put it down until I had finished it. That book is Strength to Strength by Arthur C Brooks. The book looks at how the sources of fulfilment and happiness change as we age with a strong focus on relationships in particular. As I am in my 64th year, I found this absolutely enlightening.
Brooks says that the early part of our adult lives is driven by ambition, achievement and the pursuit of success and wealth but these external accomplishments tend to lose their shine over time. As professional skills and ambition naturally wane as we age, many who chase validation through status or productivity will often struggle with frustration and a loss of identity.
Brooks advocates an intentional transition from achievement to a focus on connection as we age. Drawing on research from psychology, neuroscience and philosophy, he states that those who are the most fulfilled in later life are those who invest deeply in their relationships and especially with their spouse.
A major point in the book concerns the role of friendship in marriage. Brooks says that those who see themselves as best friends report higher rates of satisfaction and resilience. Romance always fades but a friendship consisting of kindness, support, shared values and emotional presence ca endure the transitional changes in the relationship.
How often do we continue to chase that ambition with busyness that’s drowns out time for loved ones? As we age, time and effort should be spent to be more present emotionally and physically. This moves us from individual achievement towards community.
Strength to Strength is a wonderful book for anyone heading into later life. It teaches us that the decline of certain abilities and ambitions doesn’t need to be a tragedy but an opportunity to grow in other ways. Emotional and relational strengths can increase with age. Brooks urges everyone to move from recognition to relationships.
