One of the key learnings when working with people in therapy, is the lack of awareness they have concerning themselves. We are all conditioned to some extent to believe that our goal in life is to find others (especially romantically )and they will make us happy. It‘s a belief that leads to enmeshment and codependency. It is also a belief that is pushed by society, government, parents and indeed, therapists. here‘s a thing….that‘s all rubbish (at least partially).
We are by nature, social creatures and that means that we generally feel lonely when we are separated from others for a long period. We start to wonder about our sense of who we are and we crave companionship. This is loneliness and of course, is an issue for many people and indeed not healthy.
Loneliness is a global public health concern linked to mental and physical health issues. Studies show 8.6% of adults in Europe and 20% in the U.S. feel lonely regularly, with rates affected by factors like the pandemic. Loneliness increases risks of depression, anxiety, cardiovascular diseases, stroke, dementia, and mortality, with socially connected individuals having a 50% higher survival rate. Interventions include social prescribing, community programs, and policy efforts like appointing ministers for loneliness in countries such as the UK. Maintaining social connections and participating in group activities are effective strategies to combat loneliness.
However, we are not talking here about loneliness. We are talking about aloneness. Aloneness refers to a state of being physically alone, which can be neutral or positive, unlike loneliness, which involves emotional distress. It offers opportunities for self-reflection, creativity, and personal growth. Research highlights the benefits of intentional solitude, such as increased emotional resilience and enhanced problem-solving. Aloneness becomes problematic only when prolonged or unwanted, potentially leading to isolation or loneliness. Embracing periods of aloneness can improve self-awareness and foster a deeper connection with oneself.
Aloneness, often misunderstood as loneliness, can be an enriching and transformative experience when embraced intentionally. Unlike loneliness, which is an emotional state of feeling disconnected, aloneness is a physical state of being by oneself that can be deeply fulfilling and beneficial for personal growth and mental well-being.
One of the primary benefits of aloneness is the opportunity for self-reflection. In our fast-paced, constantly connected world, moments of solitude allow us to step back, process our thoughts, and gain clarity about our lives. This introspection can lead to a better understanding of personal values, goals, and emotions, helping us make more deliberate and authentic choices. It creates a space to assess what truly matters, fostering a deeper connection with oneself.
Aloneness is also a fertile ground for creativity. Without external distractions, the mind has the freedom to wander and explore ideas. Many artists, writers, and thinkers throughout history have credited solitude as essential to their creative process. It allows for brainstorming, daydreaming, and problem-solving without the constraints of external opinions or time pressures.
In addition to fostering creativity, aloneness enhances emotional resilience. Spending time alone helps us learn to manage our emotions independently, building a stronger sense of self-reliance. This resilience is crucial for navigating challenges in relationships and life, as it empowers us to handle difficulties without always seeking external validation or support. Physiologically, moments of aloneness can reduce stress. Being alone in a quiet environment can lower cortisol levels, promoting relaxation and focus. It allows individuals to recharge their mental energy, making them more effective and productive when they re-engage with others.
Aloneness also strengthens personal boundaries. By valuing time spent alone, individuals learn to prioritize their needs and communicate those needs to others. This skill fosters healthier relationships, as it ensures that connections are based on mutual respect and understanding, rather than dependency.
In addition, aloneness can deepen appreciation for social interactions. Time away from others allows individuals to reset and approach relationships with renewed energy and intention. It creates a balance between autonomy and connection, which is vital for maintaining a fulfilling social life. In today’s hyper-connected world, the ability to embrace and enjoy aloneness is a rare and valuable skill. It provides a sanctuary from the constant noise of daily life and opens a path to greater self-discovery, emotional balance, and personal fulfillment. Far from being something to fear, aloneness, when chosen and embraced, can be a powerful tool for living a more meaningful and authentic life.
On a personal level, I have come to see aloneness as a key part of my personal autonomy. Having time and space to oneself is essential for developing autonomy, which in turn fosters self-sufficiency, independence, and a more profound comprehension of one’s own wants, goals, and principles. People need time alone to detach from the noise and distractions of the outside world, re-establish a connection with their true selves, and get the perspective to make decisions that are true to who they are.
