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Most articles that you read on the internet about porn watching or porn addiction are written with the idea that it is men who are doing it. In my experience, this is very true. However, it does not mean that women don’t watch porn or become addicted to it. But there are differences in why.

Women generally experience pornography in a much different way to men, both psychologically and socially. Men are more visually stimulated and tend to use porn for quick arousal, release or stress relief, women are more contextually and emotionally driven. Many women will find mainstream porn unappealing because it lacks any emotional connection or narrative and are turned off by the impersonal and degrading acts that mainstream porn depicts. Society sends the message that these acts are equally appealing for both sexes.

Although porn addiction is not as commonly reported among women, studies say that its prevalence is increasing. This is mainly due to the rise in erotic literature and increased availability of female focused porn sites. Women who watch usually gravitate towards material that includes emotional complexity and relationship dynamics, where men seek visual input. Studies also tell us that compulsive use of porn by women is also linked to emotional states such as loneliness, stress or shame.

One significant issue that women have with porn is the impact it has on body image and sexual self-worth. Constant exposure to porn can lead some women to internalise unrealistic beauty standards or the pressure to perform sexually in a way that they don’t desire, leading to anxiety around sex when they feel they are expected (by themselves or partners) to match techniques seen in porn.

When porn is present in a relationship, women especially, can feel inadequate or even feel competition with the women depicted on the screen. Women generally feel not enough physically or sexually when male partners (often in secret) watch porn. Even when watched together, women can feel totally disconnected from the women seen on screen and the acts shown. There is also a cultural double standard. Men’s porn use is often expected, normalised or joked about while women may feel ashamed or judged for doing the same thing.

On the other hand, women sometimes use porn as a space to experience parts of their sexuality that they feel they can’t in real life. Curiosity around same sex interactions, dominance and submission and non-traditional sexual roles could be fully explored without judgment. For some, it becomes a space to explore what excites or repels them and this space can sometimes offer more insight than they were able to gain from partners.

For women who have suffered sexual trauma, the viewing of porn could trigger memories or distressing sensations. yet, some women are drawn to such scenes compulsively, not because they enjoy it but because it offers a sense of control or familiarity. This is, for these women, a way to process their trauma, especially in cultures that don’t always allow expression of female sexual responses or where women do not have an avenue to talk about their trauma.

A cross cultural study undertaken in 2024 and published in the Journal of Behavioural Addictions, offered key insights into why women use porn and how this has an effect on their sexual well being. The study surveyed 46,000 women across 42 countries and found interestingly that the reasons women use porn were a more important indicator of sexual health outcomes than the use itself.

Women who used porn in a curious manner or for pleasure as a way to learn about their sexuality, tended to experience better sexual well-being. They showed higher sexual desire and had fewer problems with body image and less issues around orgasm. For them, porn was cited as a tool of exploration or an emotionally safe space to understand their sexuality needs better. Porn, in these cases, was seen as a source of self awareness and empowerment rather than shame.

In contrast, those who used porn primarily due to dissatisfaction in their relationships, reported lower sexual satisfaction and lower sexual desire. In this case, porn was seen as a coping mechanism, not as a source of discovery. Many women in the study said that watching porn actually seemed to reinforce feelings of inadequacy and frustration that may have driven them to porn in the first place.

The study underpins the importance of understanding women’s sexuality through the eyes of women rather than through frameworks traditionally applied to men, especially where watching porn is concerned. For a lot of women, porn is not a stimulus or an escape but a story, played out in a safe space. When approached without pressure from men and without shame, it can aid the sexual health of the relationship.

The study also states that we need to change the narrative around porn being “good” or “bad”. What matters above all is WHY someone uses it. For women, this is usually much more complex than for men.