When someone is lonely, they experience a profound emotional state that is characterised by a deep need for connection, attention, and understanding from other people. In many cases, it takes the form of a pervading sense of incompleteness, in which the individual experiences feelings of isolation and disconnection, and yearns for companionship in order to share the hardships and joys of life. The perception of being alone, even in the midst of a large group of people, can result in a constant feeling of unfulfillment. This experience is more than just the absence of company; it is the perception of being alone. Loneliness is a subjective feeling that is influenced by an individual’s perceived social interactions, according to research undertaken in the field of psychology (Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010). This research has consistently demonstrated that loneliness is not simply the result of being physically alone. The notion that one’s social needs are not being addressed, which results in feelings of abandonment and a strong longing for emotional connection, is what is known as social anxiety disorder.
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This desire for connection is frequently deepened by cultural narratives and societal conventions that place an emphasis on the significance of being in a romantic or romantically-related relationship. One of the ways in which our extroverted culture reinforces the notion that being single is synonymous with being incomplete is by perpetuating the image that pleasure is inextricably linked to having a family and love partnerships. This cultural pressure can make loneliness more prominent, as individuals may experience a persistent need to belong to a group or pair, considering their single status as a temporary failure or something that needs to be remedied (de Jong Gierveld, 1998). This can lead to those individuals feeling lonely more frequently. An internalised urge to find a spouse and avoid the cultural label of being a “loner” is created as a result of the stigma that is connected to being single, despite the fact that it has decreased in recent years.
It is important to note that loneliness has a huge impact on mental health. According to Holt-Lunstad et al. (2015), feelings of isolation that last for an extended period of time are linked to a variety of unfavourable consequences, such as a higher likelihood of experiencing depression and anxiety, as well as physical health problems including cardiovascular disease. This persistent sensation of loneliness frequently serves as a driving force for individuals to seek out connections, sometimes without discrimination, in an effort to fill an emotional void that they have been experiencing. As the need for companionship overcomes the need for actual connection, the rush to avoid loneliness can lead to entering into relationships that may not be completely gratifying or healthy. This is because companionship is more important than genuine connection.
A sense of self-sufficiency and inner power is something that is represented by being alone, on the other hand. It is not only the absence of other people; rather, it is the deliberate decision to engage with oneself and discover contentment in the presence of isolation. When someone fulfils their full potential and is no longer influenced by the judgements or expectations of others, they are said to have achieved self-actualization, which is related with the state of being alone (Maslow, 1968). Positive psychology, in which the focus is placed on developing a strong sense of self-worth and obtaining delight from one’s own company (Ryan & Deci, 2000), is the foundation upon which this concept of aloneness is built. After reaching this, individuals are able to engage in relationships from a place of fullness rather than a place of need, which results in the development of connections that are both healthier and more balanced.
When it comes to comprehending the dynamics of interpersonal interactions, it is essential to differentiate between feelings of loneliness and feelings of being alone. Individuals who are motivated by feelings of isolation may embark into romantic partnerships with the intention of primarily satisfying an emotional void in their lives. This pattern of behaviour, which is characterised by a sequence of patterns that reflect an underlying dread of being alone, is responsible for filling voids. Such people, for instance, may jump from one relationship to another because they are unable to bear the concept of spending time by themselves at any given moment. In many cases, the dread of confronting one’s own thoughts and feelings without the distraction of another person is the core cause of this behaviour (Rook, 1984).
Furthermore, in order to avoid the discomfort of loneliness, people may choose to settle for relationships that are shallow and do not demonstrate genuine understanding instead. It is possible that this will lead to superficial connections, in which the focus is placed on outward appearances rather than actual emotional closerness. It is possible that the focus will shift from how the relationship is seen by outsiders to how it actually feels to those who are involved in the connection. As a result, this external validation serves as a replacement for the internal sense of worth that is absent (Baumeister & Leary, 1995).
When a person’s values are sacrificed in order to sustain a relationship, it is a strong indication that the connection is being used to fill a gap rather than to better one’s life. When individuals prioritise the relationship over their own wants and values, this “selling out” of personal ideas and standards can lead to long-term discontent and a loss of identity (Wright, 2015). Also, it can cause people to lose their sense of self. Furthermore, if a person does not allow themselves to process the loss of one relationship before moving on to the next, this may be an indication of a fear of introspection and an avoidance of personal development. According to Tashiro and Frazier (2003), this pattern stops individuals from gaining knowledge from their previous experiences and acquiring the ability to form healthy relational patterns.
In addition, research underlines the risks associated with placing excessive expectations on a romantic relationship to fulfil all of one’s emotional requirements without fail. This might result in what is known as “solutionships,” which are relationships in which the personal problems of the individuals involved are perceived as solutions rather than possibilities for the growth of both parties. Individuals who bring unresolved demands from their childhood into their adult relationships may have the expectation that their spouse would complete these unfulfilled wants, which can lead to an unhealthy reliance (Bowlby, 1988). This overwhelming responsibility on the partner can put a strain on the relationship, as the partner may experience feelings of being overburdened by the persistent demand for positive reinforcement and support.
It is also possible for an unhealthy reliance to develop inside a partnership if there is a persistent need for validation. A dynamic is created in which the relationship becomes the sole source of identity and value when individuals place an excessive amount of reliance on their partner for the purpose of determining their own sense of self-worth (Kernis, 2003). As a result of this dependency, people may find themselves sacrificing their own needs and desires in order to sustain the relationship, which can result in a loss of autonomy and self-respect. This can, over time, cause the foundation of the connection to deteriorate, which can ultimately result in discontent and the demise of the partnership.
A strong feeling of self-worth and the ability to enjoy one’s own company are two of the most important skills that one must cultivate in order to break away from the cycle of loneliness and vacuum. According to Markus and Kitayama (1991), this entails recognising and addressing personal concerns that are separate from the partnership, rather than utilising the relationship as a way of escape. Individuals are able to enter into partnerships from a place of wholeness, where the relationship enhances their life rather than defining it, provided they cultivate a state of aloneness before to entering into the relationship. Rather than being motivated by the desire to satisfy an emotional void, this change from reliance to interdependency makes it possible to have interactions that are not only healthier but also more rewarding. These connections are founded on mutual respect and shared ideals.
It is essential to make a distinction between loneliness and aloneness in order to comprehend the dynamics of personal connections. Loneliness, which is fuelled by both societal pressures and personal fears, frequently results in harmful relational patterns in which individuals attempt to fill an emotional emptiness through their connections with other people. A condition of self-sufficiency and inner strength, in contrast, is represented by the state of aloneness. In this state, individuals participate in relationships from a point of fullness and fulfilment. Individuals are able to break out from the cycle of void-filling and form relationships that are truly fulfilling and balanced if they address the underlying issues that contribute to loneliness and cultivate a strong sense of self-worth.
