people-pleasing Archives - THE ONLINE THERAPIST

A cracked, aged mask lies on a wooden table with a shadowed reflection in the mirror behind it.

The False Self in Relationships: When Love Costs You Your Identity

Many people lose themselves in relationships without realising it. This article explores the concept of the false self, how codependency and self-abandonment develop, and why authenticity is essential for healthy relationships. Learn how reconnecting with your true self can improve self-esteem, boundaries, emotional wellbeing, and intimacy.

Why Understanding Yourself Is Not Enough

Explore the Dr Nicholas Jenner Audio Programme , a deep therapeutic recovery course for codependency, narcissistic relationships, emotional exhaustion and attachment wounds. Includes lifetime access to all audio sessions, practical therapeutic insight and two free therapy or coaching sessions. Designed for lasting emotional change rather than temporary motivation.

Two coworkers share a thoughtful moment in a high-rise office with financial data on screens.

Why Successful People Can Still Be Codependent

Codependency does not always look needy or dependent. In high-functioning people, it often appears as competence, over-responsibility and being the one who holds everything together. This article explores how success can hide emotional over-functioning, self-abandonment and exhaustion, and why recovery means separating self-worth from being endlessly useful.

A woman looks upset while a man holds his head in distress in their living room.

Therapy Shorts 87: Boundary Guilt in Codependency: Why Feeling Bad Doesn’t Mean You’re Wrong

Feeling guilty after setting a boundary is common in codependency. This article explains why guilt often appears when you stop over-functioning, how to tell conscience from conditioning, and how to stay steady without apologising or collapsing. Learn a calmer way to hold boundaries and rebuild self-leadership.

Therapy Shorts 86: Why Guilt and Shame Keep Codependency in Place

Why does codependency recovery feel so guilty? This article explores the difference between guilt and shame, the hidden role of toxic responsibility, and why setting healthy boundaries can feel morally wrong. Learn how over-responsibility becomes identity, why resentment builds, and how real recovery begins by carrying less without caring less.

The Power of Journalling and Why So Many People Struggle With It

Journaling is a practical tool for emotional clarity, self-awareness and pattern recognition. This article explores why journaling can support psychological wellbeing, why many people resist it, and how difficulty with journaling often reflects deeper struggles with honesty, emotional expression, perfectionism and self-connection rather than a lack of discipline.

Therapy Shorts 50: People Pleasing Isn’t Kindness, It’s Control

People-pleasing isn’t a personality trait. It’s a survival strategy. It’s something you learned early, in environments where being agreeable wasn’t optional , it was necessary.

Self-Love Isn’t Just a Spa Day, It’s About Self-Accountability

Many people in therapy don’t always like it or agree when their therapist tells them (If they don’t, they should) that real self-love looks a lot like self-accountability. It’s not glamorous at all, it’s not Instagram worthy. It can be deeply unsettling and sometimes lonely. The “glamour” is just a way to avoid the pain of the work needed.