I recently joined Scott Douglas Jacobsen at A Further Inquiry for a conversation about codependency, attachment, nervous-system regulation and self-leadership. You can listen HERE
One of the central themes of our discussion was that codependency is not simply a collection of unhealthy behaviours that we need to stop. Many of these patterns developed for very good reasons. They can begin early in life as ways of maintaining connection, avoiding rejection, managing uncertainty or keeping relationships emotionally safe.
The difficulty is that understanding where these patterns came from does not automatically change them.
You can know that you people-please. You can recognise that you seek reassurance, over-function in relationships, struggle with boundaries or become highly activated when somebody withdraws. You may even understand exactly how childhood experiences and attachment patterns contributed to this.
And still find yourself doing the same thing when you are triggered.
This is precisely why I created my upcoming Codependency: Awareness to Action groups, beginning this October.
The interview explores the awareness part: why codependency develops, what happens within the nervous system when relationships feel uncertain, why emotionally unavailable people can feel so compelling and why boundaries can create such intense discomfort.
How does awareness become action?
The group work takes the next step.
Over six 90-minute sessions, we will work on turning that understanding into action: recognising what happens when you are triggered, learning to tolerate the discomfort that comes with behaving differently, developing stronger boundaries and gradually building the capacity to lead yourself rather than allowing fear, guilt or another person’s emotional state to determine what you do.
Ultimately, insight is only the beginning. Action follows awareness.
Who are the October groups for?
The October groups are for people who recognise themselves in patterns such as people-pleasing, over-functioning, reassurance-seeking, difficulty setting boundaries or becoming highly activated in relationships. You do not need to have everything figured out or be certain that “codependency” is the right word for your experience. What matters is that you are curious about your patterns and would like support in responding to relationships with more choice, steadiness and self-trust.
Across the six sessions, you will gain a clearer understanding of your triggers, practical ways to regulate and pause before reacting, greater confidence with boundaries and opportunities to practise doing things differently in a supportive group setting. The article Why Do I Keep Repeating Patterns? explains more about the gap between insight and behavioural change.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need a formal diagnosis of codependency?
No. The group focuses on recognisable relationship patterns and whether changing those patterns would be useful to you.
What is the difference between understanding and action?
Understanding helps you recognise why a response developed. Action means practising a different response when fear, guilt or uncertainty makes the old behaviour feel safer.
What happens in the group sessions?
The six sessions explore triggers, emotional regulation, boundaries and opportunities to practise responding with greater choice and self-trust in a supportive online setting.
If this sounds relevant, you can contact me for a free initial consultation. I can explain the October group format and dates and help you consider whether it is a suitable fit. There is no pressure to commit simply by getting in touch.
About Dr Nicholas Jenner
Dr Nicholas Jenner is a therapist and coach with more than 20 years’ experience. He specialises in codependency, attachment and relationship patterns, using approaches including Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help people turn insight into practical change. He offers online therapy and therapeutic groups.
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