Yesterday, I read an article by a so-called “life coach” who claimed that silent treatment was justified because your partner “probably deserved it”. I read on, hoping she meant “time-outs” or perhaps “no contact,” which are very different. A time-out is a healthy pause to cool off. No contact is a vital survival strategy when leaving abuse or narcissism. But that’s not what she meant. She was literally endorsing giving your partner the cold shoulder as a legitimate response to conflict.
Let me say this as clearly as possible: silent treatment can never be justified under any circumstances.
Why? Because silent treatment isn’t a pause, it’s punishment. It’s not space, it’s withdrawal. It’s not a strategy, it’s control. And calling it anything else is wrong.
When one partner shuts down communication, that’s not problem-solving—it’s power play. It forces the other person into anxiety, guilt, and self-blame. They scramble to “fix” something without even knowing what’s broken. That’s not resolution, that’s manipulation.
And it’s abusive.
Yes, abusive. Because silent treatment is emotional neglect used as a weapon. It corrodes trust. It erodes safety. It teaches the other person to walk on eggshells just to avoid being frozen out again. Over time, it reshapes the entire relationship around fear of abandonment and rejection.
Contrast this with a true time-out: “I’m upset right now. I need twenty minutes to calm down. Let’s talk when I’m ready.” That is respectful. That is communication. Silent treatment is the opposite. It’s refusal. It’s punishment. And it’s cruel.
We cannot afford to confuse cruelty with conflict resolution. We cannot tell people it’s okay to withhold love and attention when things get hard. That’s not coaching. That’s enabling toxic behavior.
Conflict is natural in relationships. But the only way through conflict is communication—listening, speaking, owning your part, and finding a way forward. Silent treatment does none of that. It adds nothing but damage.
So let’s stop pretending otherwise. Silent treatment is not justified. It is passive-aggressive, destructive, and emotional abuse. No one deserves it.
