What exactly is a boundary, when it comes to relationships? Simply put, a boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends. Think of it as a fence in your backyard. You are the gatekeeper and get to decide who you let in and who you keep out, who you let into the whole back yard, or who you let just inside the gate. You may still be keeping a distance, but you are giving them a chance to prove their trustworthiness both physically and emotionally. The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is, of course, to protect and take good care of you and tell other people how you want to be treated. It is part of your value and principle set.
Join me on November 9th, for a brand new round of group therapy dedicated to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. This 4-session workshop is for you if you are stuck in a relationship with a narcissist or your narcissist has gone and you are still struggling with the aftermath. My goal is to support emotional healing, identity restoration, and the development of healthy relational tools in a group setting, with others going through the same thing. Each session is 90 minutes and includes psychoeducation, reflection, somatic practice, and take-home exercises.
Healthy boundaries do not always come naturally or easily. We learn to “be” in all kinds of relationships by modeling. In other words, by watching how others handle relationships. In early childhood, it is our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, babysitters, and who ever else we were around on a regular basis. As we grow into adolescents, we rely less on parents and more on our friends to help us define ourselves and our boundaries or limits in relationships. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then chances are you have not learned how to set a boundary or even really know what it is. Learning to set our own healthy boundaries is an exercise in personal freedom. It means getting to know ourselves and increasing our awareness of where we stand and what we stand for. It’s about your values and principles and boundaries consolidate those. It means letting go of the unhealthy people in our lives so that we can grow into the healthy person that we were meant to be.
How do you know whether or not you are in an unhealthy relationship? Chances are, if you are in a dysfunctional relationship it will feel “normal” or even “comfortable” to you, if you grew up in a dysfunctional home. You may not recognize the signs, until you are well on your way to giving up your entire self for the other person. Many people do not sense that there is a fine line between enmeshment and togetherness , meeting needs and a healthy balance of interdependence.
