Codependency isn’t love and it certainly isn’t kindness. It’s soft control rooted in fear. And for many people, it takes years to recognise the invisible ways they try to manage, fix, or stabilise everyone around them.
In this Therapy Shorts episode, Dr Nicholas Jenner breaks down:
• why codependency is always about control
• how fear disguises itself as caretaking
• the subtle patterns most codependents deny
• why over-functioning destroys real intimacy
• how childhood conditioning creates this pattern
• why reclaiming individuality is the true cure
• and how to finally stop disappearing in relationships
If you’ve ever felt responsible for everyone’s emotions… terrified of conflict… or “too needed” in relationships, this episode will make things click.
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JOURNALLING QUESTIONS
- Where in my relationships do I “help” to stay safe rather than to genuinely support?
- What emotions do I avoid by managing other people’s moods?
- Which parts of my personality do I hide to keep the peace?
- What would happen if I allowed others to carry their own responsibilities?
- What am I afraid will happen if I stop controlling the emotional environment?
THERAPIST TAKEAWAY
Codependent control is not malicious — it is protective.
It is the nervous system’s attempt to create predictability in a world that once felt dangerous.
But protection is not connection.
You don’t build secure relationships by managing them — you build them by showing up as your real self, imperfect, honest, and human.
Healing begins the moment you stop orchestrating outcomes
and start allowing people to meet you as you truly are.
Download the Codependency Exercise book HERE
Coming on Thursday : Therapy Shorts 53:
Healing requires loneliness. Staying requires suffering.
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