I’m reading/listening to Daniel Schreiber’s book, Alone. I’m reading it in the original German it was written in and listening to the audiobook in English.
The book centres on solitude in the modern world and doesn’t portray it as positive or negative. It explores the two sides of this complex coin, being alone can be a space of freedom and self-discovery and yet also a place of longing, vulnerability and pain. The book is full of personal stories on Schreiber’s own life as a middle aged man, confronting moments of loneliness, the pressure to conform to traditional social scripts and the conditioned and internalised belief, set by parents, peers and society that one’s worth is measured by relational success.
Solitude is complicated and an often misunderstood part of our human experience. In a world that celebrates connection and romantic attachments, choosing, or simply finding oneself, in solitude can seem countercultural and deemed somewhat strange. People who are alone are often pitied. Yet, the point that is often missed is that solitude is not about being alone, per se. It is about what happens in that space of quiet, away from the distractions and expectations of others.
Being alone offers up a deep sense of freedom. It allows for introspection, creativity and a clear sense of self, if we allow that to happen. Without societal expectations and without the need for external validation, one can connect more fully with their inner world. Solitude is a place where people learn to rely on themselves, listen to their own needs and experience life without comparison. And yet, we are afraid to be alone. For some, the idea can be emotionally paralysing. When set against social scripts, being alone without a partner, or an active social life can feel like a failure rather than a valid way of living.
Going back to the book, Schreiber talks about the role of friendship in solitude. He sees the “friend” connection as a vital form of connection, especially for those who choose to live outside traditional family structures. He believes that they can offer the support and intimacy that society says can only be found in romantic or familial relationships. He states that these are relationships we choose to be in rather than being forced to obligate ourselves to family and relationship rituals. However, one should not crave friendships when practicing solitude. They should be an extension of a curious and varied life.
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