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Anyone who has been through a break-up will testify to the feelings that surround it. Let’s face it, no-one likes being left and in reality, also ending a relationship is not easy. Invariably, we all generally get it wrong. Whether you ended the relationship or were on the receiving end, feelings can run high and for a while, it seems the world has stopped.

If it was a bad break-up, that is that one partner was surprised or there was a general lack of communication and respect, then the process can be extremely traumatic for all concerned. How you handle it afterwards will largely depend on you as an individual, your coping mechanisms and your willingness to move forward. However, there are some things that you should and could be doing (and some you maybe should not) to help the process. How you handle this change in your life will determine how long it takes you to get back on track. Hard as it is, these tips may help:

Feel the Pain: It is a huge shock to the system when a relationship ends under any circumstances. When you broke up suddenly and under less than perfect circumstances, things can get fairly traumatic. It is important not to subdue what are in effect natural feelings. Let them out… shout, cry, scream, punch a pillow, write letters (do not send them!), talk to a close friend. If things are still not ok, then consider talking to a professional. Try to avoid constant checking of your ex’s social media, driving past their house, finding lame excuses to call or visit or send them constant mail telling them how terrible they are for what they did to you.

All of this will have the opposite effect… they will distance themselves even more and you will feel worse. You are looking for connection but looking at your ex for this will not bring the desired results and will likely mean you hold onto irrational feelings for longer. Try to find acceptance, block such media as Facebook (if they have not already done that), find other ways to channel your frustration and pain. It is important to look after your basic health needs now, eating properly, regular exercise and sleep.

Do Not Romanticise! One thing we all do when a relationship ends is look at things in an unbalanced way. In our struggle to understand what went wrong, we often center our thoughts on the good times that we had with this person. This is often accompanied with sadness and sometimes self-pity. We question why our ex could do such a thing when you had so many good times together. However, there is an old saying: You know the true character of a person by the way they end a relationship, not the way they start it. If yours ended badly, then maybe what you had was not really what you thought. Center on the ending and you will find many reasons to let go.

Be Realistic and Learn: Whether you ended the relationship or were left, there are plenty of lessons to be had. Often, for one partner, the end is a total surprise but often with the gift of hindsight, can realise that the signs were truly there that the relationship was in trouble and they just did not see it. Ask yourself what you could have done differently and you can be sure that you can take something forward. Did you take your partner for granted, put him or her on a pedestal? Was your communication all it could have been? This might take some time to realise, especially if you are hurt and want to blame your partner. However, Doctor Time is a great healer and even the worst break-ups become a distant memory in time. The lessons learned will help the next relationship. According to my own experience, even bad experiences can be the foundation of a new brighter future with a more compatible partner.