The extent to which our history influences a relationship will depend on the two people concerned and the emotional distance they have travelled beforehand. For some people, the past is simply context, something to understand but not obsess over.
Many people in therapy don’t always like it or agree when their therapist tells them (If they don’t, they should) that real self-love looks a lot like self-accountability. It’s not glamorous at all, it’s not Instagram worthy. It can be deeply unsettling and sometimes lonely. The “glamour” is just a way to avoid the pain of the work needed.
We convince ourselves that we are fine. We keep busy, distract ourselves, and on we go. Yet deep down, we know we are stuck, and all the escape in the world won’t change that. We are stuck in patterns, habits and stories we tell ourselves.
Healing happens in both modern therapy and in indigenous tradition when meaning is restored, when we remember that we are not isolated problems to be fixed but participants in a bigger story. All of which is relevant.
As humans, we are able to somewhat predict the future, not accurately, but enough to make us anxious about what is about to happen. It is often a case of “better the devil you know” than take any form of risk. This is often consolidated by the grey matter between our ears, often described as the “inner dictator”, that processes all our fearful thoughts into a protective, cautious stance.
This week is about Change. These posts, published twice per week with a short audio, provide bite-sized wisdom to help you grow and discover yourself. Join me as we investigate the small ways we can bring peace, clarity, and connection into our lives.
We cannot go on reliving the trauma of our childhood in our adult world. Nobody needs rescuing generally and it is wrong to feel you need rescuing by others. It is all about awareness and responsibility…seeking awareness and taking responsibility. I see the next hike coming!
Some codependents are so enmeshed with their partners, friends, family or even work that they have no sense of their own needs or even who they truly are without what they do for others. For a codependent, it’s a lonely place when left with just yourself to cater for.
Many of us carry unresolved childhood events into adulthood, which might manifest as immediate jealously when a spouse receives a message from an ex or the idea that we are unsuitable for a new job.
It’s not easy to keep your head above water at this present moment in time. Our fate sometimes seems determined by the political will of a few (not so stable) people who hold power. Their whims and changes in policy, often just to keep their job, often affects us all.
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