Can self-awareness become another form of avoidance? Dr Nicholas Jenner explores why understanding your psychological patterns is only useful when insight begins influencing real decisions and behaviour.
Understanding your patterns does not automatically change them. This article explores the difficult journey from awareness to action, looking at codependency, the nervous system, Internal Family Systems and behavioural change, and how practising different responses while tolerating discomfort can gradually turn psychological insight into meaningful and lasting change.
Why do we keep repeating the same relationship patterns despite choosing different partners? This article explores how childhood experiences, emotional familiarity, and unconscious expectations shape our attractions and choices. Discover why familiar relationships often feel right, how patterns develop, and what it takes to create healthier, lasting connections.
Feeling guilty after setting a boundary is common in codependency. This article explains why guilt often appears when you stop over-functioning, how to tell conscience from conditioning, and how to stay steady without apologising or collapsing. Learn a calmer way to hold boundaries and rebuild self-leadership.
Why do some men turn to porn instead of leaving unhappy relationships? This article explains how codependency can drive secrecy, avoidance, and nervous-system coping, while narcissistic traits are more linked to entitlement and control. Learn how to spot the difference and use a reflection exercise to gain clarity.
So why is it that women appear to be the ones often driving couples therapy and are very often left disappointed by their partners’ reluctance? The answer lies in a mix of cultural conditioning, emotional expectations and the different ways men and women are socialized to approach relationships.
In the end, therapy is not just about understanding the past but about creating meaningful change in the present moment. While awareness is a crucial first step, it must be followed by action otherwise, we risk remaining stuck in old patterns.
Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing...
The decision to include a partner in therapy should be made with careful consideration of these factors. The therapist must weigh the benefits of gaining a fuller understanding of the client's relational context against the potential for increased conflict, privacy concerns, and dependency issues.
So, these are my top reads for 2023. They are all special to me in different ways……
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