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Different Partners, Same Problems: Why Relationship Patterns Repeat

Why do we keep repeating the same relationship patterns despite choosing different partners? This article explores how childhood experiences, emotional familiarity, and unconscious expectations shape our attractions and choices. Discover why familiar relationships often feel right, how patterns develop, and what it takes to create healthier, lasting connections.

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Therapy Shorts 87: Boundary Guilt in Codependency: Why Feeling Bad Doesn’t Mean You’re Wrong

Feeling guilty after setting a boundary is common in codependency. This article explains why guilt often appears when you stop over-functioning, how to tell conscience from conditioning, and how to stay steady without apologising or collapsing. Learn a calmer way to hold boundaries and rebuild self-leadership.

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Why Codependent Men Might Turn to Porn But Narcissists Probably Will

Why do some men turn to porn instead of leaving unhappy relationships? This article explains how codependency can drive secrecy, avoidance, and nervous-system coping, while narcissistic traits are more linked to entitlement and control. Learn how to spot the difference and use a reflection exercise to gain clarity.

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Why Women Push for Couples Therapy More than Men

So why is it that women appear to be the ones often driving couples therapy and are very often left disappointed by their partners’ reluctance? The answer lies in a mix of cultural conditioning, emotional expectations and the different ways men and women are socialized to approach relationships.

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Exploring Therapy: Talk vs. Action

In the end, therapy is not just about understanding the past but about creating meaningful change in the present moment. While awareness is a crucial first step, it must be followed by action otherwise, we risk remaining stuck in old patterns.

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How to Accept and Overcome Failure Effectively

Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat.  It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only  by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing...

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Should your partner or spouse be part of your individual therapy and how?

The decision to include a partner in therapy should be made with careful consideration of these factors. The therapist must weigh the benefits of gaining a fuller understanding of the client's relational context against the potential for increased conflict, privacy concerns, and dependency issues.

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The Five Books that have inspired me in 2023

So, these are my top reads for 2023. They are all special to me in different ways……

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In Therapy, AA Is Important But It’s Not What You Might Think!

What is the point of therapy unless there is a goal for change? And who should drive that change in therapy? As therapists, are we hoping that endless navel-gazing and a non-directive approach will bring client awareness as a matter of course?

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On Being A Therapist: Examining The Therapeutic Relationship

The boundaries in therapy should be established and maintained by the therapist and not the client. Many people come into therapy without knowledge of boundaries or how to set them and are probably used to having what few they have violated.

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