Therapy Shorts 27: What Kind of Person Ghosts Another?

If you’ve ever experienced being ghosted, you understand how hard it can be. One day everything feels great, and the next—it’s just quiet. Just like that, no explanation or closure, they’re simply gone. You find yourself going over everything in your mind, curious about what you might have done differently. But here’s the truth: ghosting reflects more on the ghoster than it does on you.

Some people disappear because they find it impossible to deal with conflict. It can feel really difficult to say, “I’m not interested” or “This isn’t working,” so just slipping away might seem like the simpler option. Some people ghost because they might not be ready to handle their emotions. They haven’t quite figured out how to communicate, set boundaries, or respectfully close a chapter, so they tend to disappear instead of being genuine.

Sometimes, ghosting can be a result of feeling anxious. Someone might experience pressure, expectation, or fear regarding intimacy, leading to feelings of panic. Silence turns into their way out. In some situations, ghosting can stem from a place of self-centredness. Some individuals may not take your feelings into account. For them, it seems simpler to move forward without providing closure.

Not every ghoster is unkind. Some feel a bit unsure, navigating through feelings of doubt and worry. They aren’t quite sure what they want, so rather than acknowledging it, they tend to drift away. For those with avoidant attachment styles, ghosting tends to happen quite naturally. The closer things get, the more overwhelming they can feel—until they decide to step back unexpectedly.

At its heart, ghosting is all about steering clear of confrontation. It’s a person avoiding discomfort, closeness, or accountability. It’s not a reflection of your worth—it shows that they weren’t able to be there for you. Being ghosted can be really painful. However, it can also be a unique point of reflection. It reveals early on who may not be able to offer you the honesty and connection that makes a relationship tenable. Rather than spending your energy trying to figure out their silence, why not turn your attention to those who appreciate respect and genuine conversation?

If someone stops communicating with you, keep in mind that their lack of response says a lot. And none of it is about you.

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Dr Nicholas Jenner

Dr. Nicholas Jenner, a therapist, coach, and speaker, has over 20 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. His specialty lies in treating codependency, a condition that is often characterized by a compulsive dependence on a partner, friend, or family member for emotional or psychological sustenance. Dr. Jenner's approach to treating codependency involves using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a treatment method that has gained widespread popularity in recent years. He identifies the underlying causes of codependent behavior by exploring his patients' internal "parts," or their different emotional states, to develop strategies to break free from it. Dr. Jenner has authored numerous works on the topic and offers online therapy services to assist individuals in developing healthy relationships and achieving emotional independence.