The Concept Of Death Anxiety And How It Can Help Us Live Life To The Full

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At the moment, I am reading the excellent book by Irvin Yalom, Staring At The Sun. I am a great fan of the author generally and his ideas on the client /therapist relationship should be standard reading for all new psychology students. In short, Irvin Yalom knows his subject and his views deserve the utmost respect.

Staring at the Sun is somewhat different. It documents Yalom’s other theories on death anxiety and how a fear of death is really a fear of life and reaching the point of death without having accomplished the things that we feel we should have. We all think about death and it is perhaps the most feared aspect of human nature. We know it will come but we don’t know how and when. Religions and theories have been built on the basis of dealing with death and what might come after. Many people live their lives based on the fear of death and Yalom states that most psychological issues have death anxiety at their root.

Yalom also states, quite rightly in my opinion, that we only really understand death when we have experienced it in some way. This would mean losing a loved one or having a brush with death on a personal level. He suggests this brings an ‘awakening’ that teaches us more about life than death. He states that anyone who has encountered death will actually start to live. He uses the example of Scrooge in the Dickens classic ‘A Christmas Carol’ who is famously visited by the ghost of Christmas future who shows him his lonely death and how the people he terrorised dance in the streets at his demise. This instigates a change in Scrooge’s behaviour. Some have suggested that it may have been Dicken’s own fear of death that inspired the novel. In his own work in group therapy with terminally ill clients, Yalom writes frequently that the sufferers found a new lease of life once they knew about death and accepted it.

Given that Yalom’s views on an ‘awakening’ after a brush with death can be given credence, how does it affect life? The reason the book is so interesting for me is that it mirrors a personal experience of mine and I can categorically confirm that my life has been different since that near fateful day in 2010. It was May 20th and I was working on the roof of a barn that was breing renovated (my weekend passion). Cutting a long story short, I fell through and landed on a concrete floor, 5 metres below (15 feet). I was heading down head first and probable certain death until I hit a spike jutting out from the wall that turned me and I fell on my right side smashing arm, wrist, shoulder and ribs. I have metal plates in to this day but I am still alive, healthy and functioning well.

Even though, I cannot really say that I thought about death frequently before the accident, I do believe that I had an “awakening” in the sense of Yalom’s work. After recovering, I felt more compassion, more desire to do things I had not done before, less cautious thinking and I gained more of the ability to stay in the moment and enjoy the present. I realised that I had been holding myself back, playing safe, planning for death. Now I plan for life.

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Dr. Nicholas Jenner, a therapist, coach, and speaker, has over 20 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. His specialty lies in treating codependency, a condition that is often characterized by a compulsive dependence on a partner, friend, or family member for emotional or psychological sustenance. Dr. Jenner's approach to treating codependency involves using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a treatment method that has gained widespread popularity in recent years. He identifies the underlying causes of codependent behavior by exploring his patients' internal "parts," or their different emotional states, to develop strategies to break free from it. Dr. Jenner has authored numerous works on the topic and offers online therapy services to assist individuals in developing healthy relationships and achieving emotional independence.

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. So very true! It wasn’t until I had my first death meditation that I truly started appreciating life. When my pet died, I understood the gift of grief. It can give us the courage and energy to change our life, instead of staying paralysed. Thank you!