Why Codependents Accept Abuse: They Are Attached To The Conceptualised Self.

In the course of our lives, we gather a lot of information about who we are. It starts in childhood and is a continuous process. The most powerful information we receive is that given to us by caregivers at a time in our lives when we are like “sponges” and we take it all in to form a blueprint for life. Sometimes the information is not correct or based on caregivers’ own perceptions of the world but it still comes our way and we believe it.

The conceptualised self is the part of us that takes all this information and makes up all the stories of who we think we are and who we should be. It’s the part that gets beaten by shame, discouraged, and frustrated. It’s the part that drives one’s ambition for material success and social status because that means something. The stories that make up this part define who we think we are and we put labels on those thoughts. These labels define how we deal with challenge, triggers and such issues as fear of rejection. They become our default coping mechanism and we are often stuck in the conceptualised self. It makes us avoid and deflect, unwilling to take on our fears. At the same time, we blame and shame ourselves and the cycle continues. We hold on to these identities in the stories too closely and they cause us difficulties.

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Dr. Nicholas Jenner

Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a counseling psychotherapist in online private practice working with individuals, couples and groups, dealing with codependency issues, severe depression, bipolar, personality disorders, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders and other mental health issues. He has been practicing online for many years and recognized early that online therapy was a convenient method for people to meet their therapist. Working outside the box, he goes that extra mile to make sure clients have access to help between sessions, something that is greatly appreciated. He also gives part of his spare time up to mentor psychology students in a university setting.

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