In the course of our lives, we gather a lot of information about who we are. It starts in childhood and is a continuous process. The most powerful information we receive is that given to us by caregivers at a time in our lives when we are like “sponges” and we take it all in to form a blueprint for life. Sometimes the information is not correct or based on caregivers’ own perceptions of the world but it still comes our way and we believe it.
The conceptualised self is the part of us that takes all this information and makes up all the stories of who we think we are and who we should be. It’s the part that gets beaten by shame, discouraged, and frustrated. It’s the part that drives one’s ambition for material success and social status because that means something. The stories that make up this part define who we think we are and we put labels on those thoughts. These labels define how we deal with challenge, triggers and such issues as fear of rejection. They become our default coping mechanism and we are often stuck in the conceptualised self. It makes us avoid and deflect, unwilling to take on our fears. At the same time, we blame and shame ourselves and the cycle continues. We hold on to these identities in the stories too closely and they cause us difficulties.
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