If You Don’t Ask, The Answer Will Always Be No. If You Don’t Say No, The Answer Will Always Be Yes

My apologies in advance for such a long, somewhat confusing headline. I hope you will get what I mean as you read further into this article. The terms, No and Yes hold a certain significance if you identify as a codependent on any level. They go to the very heart of the problem. That is, the inability to define, set and maintain boundaries around relationships and significant others. It is a common problem in codependency and most find it easier to avoid this or‚ ‘go with the flow‘ and enable the process of dysfunction. It leads to an assumption from both sides that things go a certain way in the relationship.

The inability to set boundaries brings up the question of where this came from. We certainly are not born with that inability and we need to be taught it from someone in our childhood. Unfortunately, this doesn‘t happen as often as it should and people, and especially codependents, come into adulthood without this essential skill set. It is then not surprising that codependents fail to set relationship values and have no idea what dealbreakers are and how they would exercise the consequences. Additional to this, codependents have issues with saying no and asking questions to clarify their feelings. In their world, failing to do this gives their partner the assumption of yes when no was the real intention and the assumption of no if questions are not asked.

Read More on Free From Codependency: My Online Therapy Hub For Codependent Recovery.

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Dr. Nicholas Jenner

Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a counseling psychotherapist in online private practice working with individuals, couples and groups, dealing with codependency issues, severe depression, bipolar, personality disorders, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders and other mental health issues. He has been practicing online for many years and recognized early that online therapy was a convenient method for people to meet their therapist. Working outside the box, he goes that extra mile to make sure clients have access to help between sessions, something that is greatly appreciated. He also gives part of his spare time up to mentor psychology students in a university setting.

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