How understanding your “Parts” can help you heal

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In the vast and intricate tapestry of the human mind, we often find ourselves in a dance between our thoughts and emotions, seeking to find a harmonious balance that enables us to thrive. Therapeutic approaches, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), have long sought to address the thinking patterns that contribute to our emotional struggles. While these therapies have certainly been helpful for many, they often do not delve into the deeper layers that give rise to our thinking and behavior. This is where the concept of multiplicity emerges.

Multiplicity suggests that our minds and personalities are not singular entities, but rather a complex and interconnected network of thinking modes, or “parts.” Much like a diverse family or tribe, these parts each possess unique characteristics, desires, and perspectives, shaping how we interact with the world. They can be friends or enemies, allies or rivals, and they are constantly evolving as we grow and gain experience. Some examples of these parts might include The Manager, The Procrastinator, The Striver, The Angry Child, and The Monster.

These parts often operate in the shadows, shielding the “Self”—the healthy, inquisitive, compassionate core of our being—from potential harm. As they do so, however, they may also inadvertently imprison the Self, burying it beneath layers of protection and leaving it dormant, like a slumbering queen bee in a hive. This is where the real challenge lies: understanding the roles these parts play in our lives and liberating the Self from their protective embrace.

In therapy, this process of exploration and discovery can lead to profound insights, as clients come to see how the different parts of their personality both protect and hinder them. By recognizing the protectors and the exiles they subdue, we can begin to integrate and harmonize these disparate elements, ultimately returning to a state of wholeness and authenticity.

In IFS theory, “parts” refer to different aspects of an individual’s inner world, each with their own unique qualities, emotions, and motivations. These parts can be categorized as “exiles,” “managers,” and “firefighters.” Managers are one type of part. They are responsible for managing and controlling our inner experience to protect us from pain, shame, or vulnerability. They are often driven by fear, and may try to maintain order and control in our lives to prevent us from feeling overwhelmed by difficult emotions.

For example, if a person has a fear of rejection, their manager part may try to control their behavior by avoiding situations where they might be rejected or by being hyper-vigilant about what they say or do in social situations. This can lead to a rigid, perfectionistic approach to life, as the manager tries to avoid any potential sources of pain or discomfort.

Firefighters are responsible for putting out emotional “fires” that are triggered by exiles or other parts of the system. Firefighters are typically reactive and impulsive, and they may resort to destructive or self-harmful behaviors in order to distract from or numb painful emotions. For example, a person who feels overwhelmed by shame may have a firefighter part that tries to alleviate the pain by engaging in risky behaviors like drinking, drug use, or self-harm. While these behaviors may provide temporary relief, they can ultimately cause more harm and exacerbate the underlying emotional distress.

For example, let’s say someone has a part that is an “exile.” An exile is a part of us that holds pain, shame, and vulnerability that we have pushed away or tried to ignore. This could be a result of a past trauma or negative experience. When this person encounters a situation that triggers this part, such as a criticism from a friend or a rejection from a romantic partner, they may feel overwhelming sadness or shame. They may also engage in self-criticism or self-sabotage, as a way of protecting themselves from the pain that this exile holds.

In IFS therapy, the goal is to help the person access and understand their exiled part, and to help it heal and integrate with the other parts of their personality. This may involve talking to the part, understanding its motivations, and finding ways to soothe and comfort it. Through this process, the person may develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-compassion, as well as a more integrated and balanced sense of self. This can lead to improved mental health, better relationships, and a greater sense of overall well-being. Look at how a typical case might go:

Case Study: Overcoming Childhood Trauma and Relationship Issues

Background: Alice, a 35-year-old woman, sought therapy due to ongoing relationship difficulties and an inability to trust others. She had a history of trauma from her childhood, including emotional and physical abuse from her father. Alice had been in and out of therapy for years, but her issues persisted, and she continued to struggle with forming and maintaining healthy relationships. She felt isolated and was suffering from anxiety and depression.

Treatment: Alice began weekly sessions with a therapist who specialized in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. IFS is an integrative therapeutic model that helps individuals understand and heal their inner emotional world by identifying and working with different parts or subpersonalities that may be in conflict.


  1. Establishing trust and rapport: Alice’s therapist began by building trust and rapport with Alice, allowing her to feel safe and supported in therapy.
  2. Identifying Parts: Alice and her therapist started the process of identifying various parts within her internal system. They found a “Protector” part that was trying to shield her from emotional pain, a “Manager” part that sought to maintain control over her life, and an “Exile” part that held her traumatic memories and emotions.
  3. Building Relationships with Parts: Alice’s therapist helped her build relationships with each of these parts, encouraging her to listen to their needs and concerns without judgment. This allowed Alice to develop empathy and understanding for her internal system.
  4. Unburdening the Exile: Once Alice had established trust with her Exile part, her therapist guided her through a process of unburdening, in which Alice accessed and released the painful emotions and memories that the Exile had been carrying.
  5. Integration and Healing: As Alice’s relationship with her parts improved, her internal system began to integrate and heal. She started to experience a reduction in anxiety and depressive symptoms, and her capacity for trust and vulnerability in relationships improved.

Outcome: After several months of IFS therapy, Alice reported a significant improvement in her overall well-being, including a decrease in anxiety and depression. Her relationships also improved, as she was better able to trust and connect with others. Although the process was challenging at times, Alice found that IFS therapy provided her with a new understanding of her internal world and a newfound ability to heal from her past trauma.

As therapists, we must engage in our own journey of self-discovery, examining the parts that constitute our own personalities and the roles they play in our lives. This self-analysis helps us understand and empathize with our clients’ experiences, making us better-equipped to guide them on their own paths toward healing and integration.

For instance, a therapist might identify their own protectors, such as The Judge, The Slavedriver, The Codependent and explore the exiles these parts are subduing. In doing so, they not only cultivate self-awareness but also develop strategies to promote their own “Self” mode, which in turn can help their clients do the same.

Embracing the concept of multiplicity, we can step off the hamster wheel of inaction and overthinking, and embark on a transformative journey toward self-discovery, healing, and the reawakening of our truest, most authentic selves. In the end, the sum of our parts is indeed not greater than the whole, unless we choose to let it be so. As we uncover the hidden dynamics within our minds, we can begin to shape our lives with intention, compassion, and clarity, unburdened by the invisible forces that once held us captive.

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Dr. Nicholas Jenner, a therapist, coach, and speaker, has over 20 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. His specialty lies in treating codependency, a condition that is often characterized by a compulsive dependence on a partner, friend, or family member for emotional or psychological sustenance. Dr. Jenner's approach to treating codependency involves using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a treatment method that has gained widespread popularity in recent years. He identifies the underlying causes of codependent behavior by exploring his patients' internal "parts," or their different emotional states, to develop strategies to break free from it. Dr. Jenner has authored numerous works on the topic and offers online therapy services to assist individuals in developing healthy relationships and achieving emotional independence.

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