Today, we look at W who is making the biggest move of his life. W is moving across the country to be with his loved one. W has dealt very well with his codependent side of his personality to this point but has spent the last few days feeling extremely angry and down on himself and doesn’t know why. His partner is not really helping by being distant and not involved in the process. W is questioning himself and doubts he has made the right decision. W is currently doing inner child therapy and his inner critic is pushing him all the way.
I have been offering online therapy for over 10 years. During that time, I have built up a speciality in many areas of psychology (especially Codependency) and helped many clients move forward. Contact me for a free consultation. I engage fully with my clients to ensure the best possible chance of recovery. I firmly believe that awareness is important but action is the decisive element of recovery. I accompany my clients along that road not only by offering sessions focusing on their issues but as a resource between sessions too.
I am at my wits end. I want this move so bad but have spent the last week really getting angry with myself and everyone around me. I doubt that I can do this and my inner critic has been telling me constantly how stupid I am to let my guard down and let my partner in. I am distancing myself from him trying to get a reaction and it is not working. He is giving me the cold shoulder and I am feeling abandoned and left on my own. This has brought old feelings of worthlessness up and I feel I am dealing with so much at present that I cannot function. I had an angry outburst at one stage and threw things across the room. I don’t know what to do. My behaviour is back to the same codependent way it was before I started therapy. Was I dealing with it or suppressing?
W was very codependent when he first came into therapy and had talked about angry outbursts when he didn’t get what he wanted. His fear of abandonment was driving this and his anger was a control measure that he used frequently against his partners. This led to a dysfunctional cycle of guilt and regret. He is displaying anger and a victim mentality at present designed bring his partner into his focus of attention. This is again another cycle that has repeated itself over and over again. In reality, his partner has been communicative while away and has kept him up to date with developments. Something he fails to realise in his cycle of anger.
In his inner child work, it was identified that his inner critic, the one that uses the ‘should’ and ‘musts’ and was trying to protect him from rejection and pain was very strong and was working with his inner rebel who was telling him to run away before it is too late. These too polarising concepts have left him with confusion and frustration concerning his indecision and rumination. The next stage in therapy will be to counter these two forces by creating and promoting a more mature, compassionate inner mentor, the reasonable voice in his inner world. This will be done using realism and fact based thinking and challenging any dysfunctional thinking that may occur. This would hopefully help him to focus on the factors within his sphere of influence and not on factors that he cannot control.