Being involved with a narcissist is like having a tornado blow its way through your life. Once it has died down, you are left with a mess. Emotionally, financially and sometimes physically, the victim has suffered greatly. It is incredible how quickly a narcissist can leave their victim and pull away, airbrushing the victim out of their lives completely, separating anything that held them together and completely ignoring the victim. At this stage, victims are asking “did he or she really love me?”. The answer is a clear no. Victims are only a means of narcissistic supply, a resource to be discarded when spent. Once this happens, the victim is quickly thrown away, abruptly, without warning and with surgical precision.
This is a traumatic phase for the victim who has likely had their self-esteem shot to pieces, been made to carry all responsibility for the narcissist and usually has to watch the scenario playing itself over again with the new victim. It is important for victims to realise that they were initially targeted by a con-artist and could not have done anything differently. The narcissist that breezed in and out of their life will do this with everyone they meet. They usually have a past full of similar victims and the future will be the same. The one thing that is essential is to close all doors because the narcissist will always reserve the right to revisit an old source of supply, when it suits them.
Many people and codependents especially will be experiencing a range of emotions and feelings at this point. Sadness because a relationship they thought was good is suddenly over, confusion over why it happened, exhaustion due to the abuse, guilt because they allowed it to happen and a good dose of embarrassment at being caught. Worst of all, they are suddenly left alone with the feeling that they had put everything into a lost cause that was doomed the day they met the narcissist. I am dealing with three new cases at present where the three stage narcissist withdrawal has played out. All three female victims are sufferingly badly and at least one is completely doubting her sanity while the other has to refill her bank account. All three new clients are dealing with the effects of narcissist abuse. Their partners have discarded them or ghosted out of their lives and they are left to pick up the pieces. It really is saddening to see.
What they don’t yet realise and will in time, is that it is probably the best thing that could have happened to them. They are in the phase at present where the emotions mentioned above are still having an effect. When they move further into recovery, they will see the size of the bullet they eventually dodged.
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