Increase your Self-Esteem in 10 Days. Day 9: Know Your Triggers

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I am offering you the chance to change. Follow a series of posts and increase your self-worth and esteem. Low self-esteem is like a weight around your neck and stops you moving forward but it is not your story. It is the result of believing false stories and having a “I am bad” mental filter. Join me for the next 10 days and I would be happy to give you input on your answers. Send them to me using the contact form at the end of this post for free no-obligation advice. Details of my online therapy packages can be found on Good luck on your journey to the new you! Dr Nicholas Jenner

This covers the most vulnerable parts of your self-worth. It is your weakness. It can hit you in relationships, work, with authority figures or in many other aspects of your life. When you are triggered, your core beliefs become visible and you are flooded with shame, self-dislike and all chance of keeping things positive seem to disappear. Today’s exercise is to help you recognise when you are triggered and how to find your core power in this moment. The triggering event make come on all of a sudden, even on days when you are feeling fine. It may be a criticism (perceived or real) or a rejection (perceived or real); Whether it is real or not, it is for you and floods you with self-doubt and all those negatives feelings come back. This is a two-stage process. Firstly, the triggering event and then secondly the event taps into negative core beliefs. Look at the list of typical core beliefs:

I am unlovable

I will never get what I need

I am useless and will never succeed

I am not capable or smart

I am flawed and selfish

I will be abandoned

The real me is not what the world sees

I am undeserving

I always hurt other people

I don’t fit with anyone or anywhere

These negative core beliefs are waiting when you experience events like the following:

Mistakes…missing a deadline at work, failing a test, a slip

Criticism…you are told you did something wrong

Being Exposed….someone has seen the vulnerable you

Disappointment… you don’t achieve or get something you want

Memories… significant past events come back into consciousness

Having to take risk…. a new job, relationship

Challenging authority… standing up for yourself with, for example, a supervisor

Exercises for Day 9:

Take 4 to 5 of the negative core beliefs listed above that apply to you.

Describe the event, how it made you feel (shame, guilt, not worthy)

What did this feeling lead to in terms of thoughts about yourself? Can you recognise anything from the first list of core beliefs above? Is this belief relevant or true?

Challenge each core belief with evidence to the contrary. Recall as many exceptions from the past that contradict your belief.

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Dr. Nicholas Jenner, a therapist, coach, and speaker, has over 20 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. His specialty lies in treating codependency, a condition that is often characterized by a compulsive dependence on a partner, friend, or family member for emotional or psychological sustenance. Dr. Jenner's approach to treating codependency involves using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a treatment method that has gained widespread popularity in recent years. He identifies the underlying causes of codependent behavior by exploring his patients' internal "parts," or their different emotional states, to develop strategies to break free from it. Dr. Jenner has authored numerous works on the topic and offers online therapy services to assist individuals in developing healthy relationships and achieving emotional independence.

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