We Just Don’t Take The Time Anymore

  • Post author:

We live in a world where time is at a premium. We never have enough of it and we are always trying to save it, stick to it and deal with the consequences. There are many time management systems that can help anyone who needs their time organising to do just that but it is something that needs maintaining and we often don’t have the time to do this!

I saw a documentary recently that suggested that due to the advancements in technology, we have lost the ability to relax and take things easy.  Even when we are relaxing, there is a good chance that we might well have a smartphone in front of our face. There is, of course, something to this. We have a chance to do things faster and more efficiently than ever before in a very convenient manner but has this also had an effect on the way we see other parts of our lives. I am especially thinking about relationships. We are in a rush to get into them, have sex, leave them and get into the next one!

Dating these days is like shopping in a supermarket (This comment is made concerning the experience of clients and not personal experience. I am happily married!). Dating apps have made it easy to swipe and move on. People are having more first and only dates than at any other time. Do we take the time to get to know people these days or is it that we work on first impressions only in a world that is hectic?

Many years ago, I was given the advice from somebody I respect that to truly assess whether you have a chance of a long-term relationship with someone, you have to and I quote “Summer and winter them”. This might mean to some that the relationship needs to last a few months before decisions are made but actually it is a bit deeper than that. It is advice that I agree with to this day. What this wise person really meant was that to really get to know someone, you have to see how you and your potential partner react in good and bad times and situations. This makes perfect sense to me and in fact, I feel you can learn more in tougher situations than when things are going well.

I deal with many single people who have fallen into the trap of moving things along too quickly at the start of a relationship. This is often due to a few bad experiences in a short period of time and when they finally meet someone who is relatively normal, they rush it and leave out the “getting to know you” phase. There is, of course, no guarantee that some of these relationships would have survived that phase but it would have given the people concerned much more information to work with. Making decisions about anything means that information is needed to make an informed choice. It is true for products and other choices and it is true for a choice of partner too. How often do we make this life altering decision with only a fraction of the information we need?

In a world where time is at a premium and there is never enough of it to go around, it is essential to take enough time to get to know a potential long-term partner.

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” ― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

Subscribe to Dr Jenner's Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 5,497 other subscribers


Dr. Nicholas Jenner, a therapist, coach, and speaker, has over 20 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. His specialty lies in treating codependency, a condition that is often characterized by a compulsive dependence on a partner, friend, or family member for emotional or psychological sustenance. Dr. Jenner's approach to treating codependency involves using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a treatment method that has gained widespread popularity in recent years. He identifies the underlying causes of codependent behavior by exploring his patients' internal "parts," or their different emotional states, to develop strategies to break free from it. Dr. Jenner has authored numerous works on the topic and offers online therapy services to assist individuals in developing healthy relationships and achieving emotional independence.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

This Post Has 2 Comments