The 7 Day Challenge Day 5: The Strategy, First Beat Polarized Thinking

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The 7 Day Challenge is well under way. So far we have covered Day 1 Check, Day 2 Challenge, Day 3 Visualise, and Day 4 Demons. Yesterday’s post on polarised thinking certainly touched a nerve with many people if the comments and emails I received are anything to go by. As I have mentioned before, a point of awareness is nothing if action is not to follow. Yesterday, we got maybe to a point of awareness about how polarised thinking works and how it might affect decision-making in general. However, to feel comfortable moving forward, the polarised thinking has to be neutralised and the child-like part of us accessed and healed. As I stated yesterday, this exiled part of us produces the deep triggers that keep us under the irrational control of the manager or the impulsivity of the firefighter. The child carries our childhood pain but we have placed it in the hands of the irrational parts of ourselves. These parts battle for control leaving us clueless and stuck.

To truly release control from these parts, we need first to understand what they are protecting us from. This information can be gleaned by analysing their messages and the behaviour they promote. If you review the example of Bill in Day 4, we found that his underlying fear was fear of failure and not feeling good enough. Due to the protection measures afforded by the protector parts, he overworked and procrastinated in equal measures but never got to the reasons why.

To truly get to know the protector parts, we need to find out how we truly feel about them. We have to remember that our childhood pain created them and they are trying to keep us away from that pain. Unfortunately, they also keep us away from potentially facing that pain and healing. I always get my clients to visualise interviewing the protector parts they identify to gain basic information. They could for example ask the following questions:

What are you protecting me from?

Why do you think I need protecting?

What will it take for you to release control?

If we are truly aware and in Self, we will certainly gain information enough to access the wound we carry and start to deal with it. Bill in Day 4 would have found that his Striver/Procrastinator protectors were hiding the real truth from him as they do with all of us, in that he had been avoiding dealing with his childhood issues. He was telling himself a lie and not facing his truth.

Once the wounded child is accessed, we can start to reparent and reframe his or her experiences. This will probably need the help of an experienced therapist. This will give us valuable input as why we are stuck.

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Dr. Nicholas Jenner, a therapist, coach, and speaker, has over 20 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. His specialty lies in treating codependency, a condition that is often characterized by a compulsive dependence on a partner, friend, or family member for emotional or psychological sustenance. Dr. Jenner's approach to treating codependency involves using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a treatment method that has gained widespread popularity in recent years. He identifies the underlying causes of codependent behavior by exploring his patients' internal "parts," or their different emotional states, to develop strategies to break free from it. Dr. Jenner has authored numerous works on the topic and offers online therapy services to assist individuals in developing healthy relationships and achieving emotional independence.

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Dr. Nicholas Jenner,
    I thank you for this work, making it accessible helps me improve my outcome! Blessings 💕


    Stephanie T.